Science: the Geo-thermal Hydro-electric Automobile!
A note from Admin SB: Today we introduce a snarker of a different sort. The diversity Gods from on high said we need to toss in a liberal voice or have our IP address whacked from the innerwebz forever, so we here at ADHD have broken down and sold out and added some balance to the mix. Except, this liberal is so subtle, I’d almost figure him for a Republican posing as a leftist, the ultimate troll bent on tipping Alinsky upside down on his dessicated head. Almost. I guess that’s why they say you have to read to find out what happens next.
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The Indian science journal Jonwar Chodu has just released the details on some fascinating research being conducted to replace the gasoline-powered automobile. Scientists working on the volcanic island of Krakatoa have been experimenting with a new type of car that is expected to completely replace the internal combustion engine by as early as 2013. They call it the “geo-thermal hydro-electric car.” How does it work? I’m glad you asked…
A heat-shielded compartment in the back of the car, where you normally would have stored luggage, is used to hold molten magma. Luggage, the scientists write, is the chief contributor to the carbon problem we have today (because of excess materialism and all of its entrails), and the green-commuters of the future will have no need for it.
Another heat shielded compartment, about where the back-seat passengers would have sat in a normal gasoline-powered car working diligently to destroy the rain forest, would hold the water tank, which would contain about 200 gallons of clean, mean H2O. Backseat passengers, the scientists write, will be less important to the uno-nuclear-human-unit “families” of the future, and many agree that this makes good sense.
Battery packs would be used to assist the steam-powered motor system to compensate for the weight, allowing the driver to notice no less than 1/2 the acceleration of cars that don’t care about the receding ice caps. These batteries would be stored in a moisture-proof encasement in the section to the right of the driver (formerly the “passenger” section). Passengers, the scientists tell us, will be kindly asked to ride the “geo-thermal hydro-electric buses,” thus eliminating this wasteful use of space for good.
When your car begins to slow down or show signs that the magma in the trunk is starting to cool, all you have to do is drive up to the magma processing section (details to come) and pick up another cubic-foot or two of magma, and possibly a tasty beverage as you make your way to work. Good for you — good for the environment.
This groundbreaking work is sending shock waves through the green-science community. Already work is being done to expand on the original concept, to include such necessary projects as geo-thermal hydro-electric airplanes, geo-thermal hydro-electric light bulbs, geo-thermal hydro-electric toothbrushes, geo-thermal hydro-electric PDAs, and, our personal favorite and recognized crisis of necessity, geo-thermal hydro-electric baby strollers.
Read more “liberal” nonsense at Collective Wishes.
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Bows to Saudi princes and Japanese emperors and Tampa mayors but NOT to Catholic popes, while ignoring the Dalai Lama. I assume, then, he reveres only government figures. No wonder he hasn't chosen a District of Criminals church yet; he thinks he lives in one.
Get yours 
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all you have to do is drive up to the magma processing section (details to come) and pick up another cubic-foot or two of magma, and possibly a tasty beverage as you make your way to work
The only improvement I can think to make on this excellent concept car is to recommend the magma be used as both fuel and “tasty beverage” upon fill-up (free with coupon), thus ridding the earth of two polutants for each volcanomobile sold! No worries about convincing the drivers to consume a molten beverage millions of degrees in temperature, as clearly the greenies will accept anything as God´s truth as long as the prefix ‘eco’ is attached.
Warning. I bought a 2009 Magma coupe and I couldn’t be more disappointed. I have to change the oil every 8 miles, my nearest magma station is in Berkeley (170 miles away) so I’ve decided to shop locally by producing my own magma on my GE kitchen stove.
Next time I’ll be a lot more practical and buy one of those new llama fart mopeds.
Guys, quit joking around, don’t fight settled science because it just makes you look silly.
BLESSED THANKSGIVING MY FRIEND!!..I am tryin not to think of all the madness for the next few days!..hugs!
But magma is non-renewable! You’re going to take all the hot out of the center of the earth! We’re going to freeze! Al Gore puts out a lot of hot air, but I don’t think it is enough to keep the earth from turning into Hoth! Unintended consequences, people!
[...] Science: the Geo-thermal Hydro-electric Automobile! [...]
Nice one, i’d love to toss some of those leftist scumbags into that volcano shown above, as you know, sacrifices to gaia.
Love the baby stroller idea!
Dude, it’s a babe magnet.
Even in the production title, “The MagamaMobile.”
They’re hot, at least until the (technically, lave) cools into a large rock.
Rocks aren’t known for their propulsive qualities, but they’re working on that.
That’s great, but I have a better idea that does not use up the natural resource of magma. The new improved methane engine. The driver only needs to have beans for lunch and dinner and when driving insert a lubricated tube up his ass that will lead directly into the carburetor and WOW! Fast acceleration and a great boost for bean futures.
As a young soldier I spewed molten magma all over Hilo, Hawaii one fine night.
I’m thinking that one could put copies of the speeches of the POTUS, Barney Frank, Nancy Pelosi, and so on, into the car, and the hot air would do the rest. Either that, or the methane emissions could power an internal combustion engine. It’s versatile!
Welcome Candle!
Please, everyoine knows that the wave of the future lies in donkeys as the green solution to saving the planet. You don’t believe me? Just look at how many donkeys are already in gov’t., in the media, & in universities all over the world. I know a trend when I see one.
Thanks Matt, everyone.