Obama Loses Head, Names KSM Terrorism Czar
WASHINGTON — pResident Barack Obama made a decision in record time today, appointing Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to the position of Terrorism Czar after learning of the idea just this morning from Attorney General Eric Holder following a recent bow-ful trip through Asia.
Mohammed, detained as an enemy combatant since 2003, was scheduled to undergo a federal trial in Manhattan as the self-proclaimed mastermind of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. Instead, he’ll be in charge of establishing terrorist camps throughout the U.S. to train Daily Kossacks, Democratic Undergroundlings, ACORNuts, public school children, and circus midgets in tactics proven to maim and kill and eradicate tea-bagging racist mobster fly-over-country conservatives.
The program will be called Operation Tea-had.
“The 2010 elections are just around the corner. With what happened recently in New Jersey and Virginia, with Congress approving health care in the dead of the night and the Senate set to vote to proceed with a vote to vote about voting on health care tomorrow, it was imperative that we act quickly,” the pResident said during an impromptu press conference this afternoon, Mohammed standing to Obama’s left, wearing the orange prison jumpsuit he’s grown accustomed to after more than six years in captivity. Sources say the jumpsuit will become the regular uniform for officials of the new Terrorism Department, the backs of the jumpsuits bearing this insignia:
Obama said he immediately liked the plan after Holder brought it up during a two-minute briefing.
“Uh … fastest time I’ve ever made up my mind on something. It was such an easy decision to make, not like that Afghanistan business,” the pResident said. “I know our troops can hang in there if they don’t get reinforcements until after my next election. After all, they’re such good photo-op material. But back home? We need to act fast before the tea-baggers form a groundswell that lifts Republicans to victory in key elections next year.
“If Mohammed had been convicted, we wouldn’t have let him go, anyway. Why not use his talents in a destructive way?”
The pResident, off teleprompter for the whole press conference, went rambling on about things he missed during his trip to Asia, like Michelle Obama’s boob belts, favorable Gallup polls, and Oprah’s announcement to move her collection of tent dresses to Montecito.
Then, strangely, Obama turned to Mohammed … and bowed.
Via iOwnTheWorld.com
Rather than accept the gesture as a sign of respect, Mohammed apparently thought Obama was showing weakness and reached inside his jumpsuit and withdrew a sword and, shouting “Allahu Akhbar,” hacked off the pResident’s head.
A shocked White House press corps immediately burst into tears. Mohammed ignored them, turning, instead, to stare, hatred burning in his black-hole eyes, at Vice President Joe Biden, who’d been standing to the president’s right before the mayhem ensued.
Biden didn’t bat an eyelash, saying: “I have three words for you, Mr. Mohammed: My head isn’t worth cutting off, anyway.”
Teh Snark
Related posts:
- Van Jones Named Racism Czar WASHINGTON — Breaking new ground in race relations, President Barack...
- President Obama Names Thulsa Doom Explosive Underwear Czar December 31, 2009 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE WASHINGTON, DC –...
- Obama Will Send Biden to Help Win Afghanistan WASHINGTON — Giddy he was finally able to make a...
- Whoo-whee! Obama’ll Get Some Leg Tonight for Sure! And thank God for Van Halen for giving us that...
- Obama Heads to Gropenhagen for “Free Sex” WASHINGTON – Air Force One took off today ahead of...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
Bows to Saudi princes and Japanese emperors and Tampa mayors but NOT to Catholic popes, while ignoring the Dalai Lama. I assume, then, he reveres only government figures. No wonder he hasn't chosen a District of Criminals church yet; he thinks he lives in one.
Get yours 
Right click to embiggen
Right click to embiggen
Right click to embiggen, then spread 
That was simply great—you have a talent! Biden: 3 words that turned into 8–counting isn’t his strong suit!
You shouldn’t even joke about something like this, Dave – with the Barry admin, you just never know what’s around the corner…
The redesign looks great – definitely an improvement (not that there was anything wrong with the previous look).
[...] Teh Snark via feedyouradhd.com [...]
This would be funny if it weren’t so close to being possible…
Excellent satire!
Way to go Bubba … now where’s my avatar?
Hell, the site won’t display MY avatar (which is an awesome avatar!) and you expect it to display yours? Do you work for the Obamas or something?
This was absolutely wonderful! So dry, so crisp, so real! – and it could be true.
Wow, Snarky, that is some good snark, hence, your name. Of course, in your scenario, the KSM and his lackeys would find out why we have a second amendment.
BTW, every time someone writes KSM, I automatically think of a classic rock station call letters!
You think this sort of thing can’t happen do you ? -
Two weeks ago Asim Hafeez was appointed “head of intervention” at the Office of Security and Counter-Terrorism, within the UK Home Office. He is a hard-core Salafi (a member of a strict puritanical fundamentalist branch of Islam). Salafism does not appear to promote violence, but wants the creation of an Islamic state i.e. a new caliphate.
Tom … the point of satire is that it’s possible such ridiculousness could indeed happen. The other point is to ridicule your enemy to the nth degree. We’re all aware that this sort of thing has gone on all over the world, particularly in Europe, and particularly in the U.K. Should we sit back and shove our heads up our arses and ignore it? Or should we shout it out loud, so loud that people take notice?
I’m for being fucking loud, thank you.
The guy’s a freaking fire hazard! That, or something out of the Hobbit..
Funny indeed!
I don’t think this guy would clean up enough to pass muster. Remember what he looked like the day they captured him?!
Thanks for the laugh!
-j-
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Obama Scare, Snarky Basterd I. Snarky Basterd I said: New blog post: Obama Loses Head, Names KSM Terrorism Czar http://tinyurl.com/yd3y7tm [...]
Great Stuff !
And, yea, it wouldn’t shock me !
You have a great blog here. I just found it, but I like it a lot. I write for a site that’s similar to yours, DEBATEitOUT.com. It is the largest online debating website on the Internet today. I think you would provide some valuable input to the readers and other debaters.
I also would like to exchange links with you to help spread some traffic around. If you would like to, please leave a comment under our “Compadres” stating that you have placed our link up so that we could find your comment easily and do the same.
Good work on your writings so far.
Jason
DEBATEitOUT.com
I agree with Fred!
Truth may be stranger than fiction, Dave! At the rate capt’n Zero is going, it wouldn’t surprise me. And he’d make Hasan the shooter the new firing range training czar. Cool pics Have a fun weekend.
That was beautiful. Since Obambi and his cohorts seem to be cheerleaders for terrorists, why shouldn’t they experience the full effect of terrorism? Let them see how much the terrorists love them. I am all for terrorists spreading their version of love onto the Democrats.
A proud tea-bagger likes your new page!
Very funny post that pretty much sums up this past week.
Absolutely hysterical! You DO know I’m gonna need to “borrow” the pic of the obummer alphabet, right??
Yer my hero!
“Then, strangely, Obama turned to Mohammed … and bowed.”
Oh come on, bowing is like sooo last century now, surely obama would have moved on to bended knee now.
[...] Feed Your ADHD – Obama Loses Head, Names KSM Terrorism Czar [...]
Obama lost his head, or should I say brain, a long time ago, if he ever had one.
The only blog where reading the comments is almost as good as reading the posts. Don’t ever frikn stop.
[...] Your ADHD A Question For The Senate Floor DebateMost Barryful Time of the YearObama Loses Head, Names KSM Terrorism CzarThey Live — Obama’s U.S.A.Whoo-whee! Obama’ll Get Some Leg Tonight for Sure!Obama Must Think [...]
@suzan — I certainly can’t speak for anyone except myself, but I don’t plan on stopping til they pry the laptop from my cold dead fingers….
Makes sense to me.
KIM Jong IL
Pyongyang, NORKO
SnarkyBastard — you are SOOOOooooo the man. Dr. D, really and truly loving the re-design. Dude, this just rocks. So terribly jealous as well. I’ll be days catching up on your great writing, sir. Looking forward to it.
Warmest regards, brother.
Jg. (FatScribe)
[...] and then see how KSM is our New Terrorism Czar via Feed Your ADHD Filed under: Wisdom of the Ages Comment (0) Article tags: Barack Obama, Climate Change, Fearless [...]